i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
