guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
