Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
