I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
