i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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