Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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