We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
