if i can run in heels then i can drive
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
