Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
