i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Barsexuality is the new black.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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