Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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