He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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