and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
