Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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