Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
