i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
