i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
