if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
