Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
