just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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