I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
