I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize