at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
