I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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