I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
