theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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