That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize