feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize