you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
