I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
