I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
