Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just gift wrapped bread.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
