just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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