He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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