i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I need moral support for this bender
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
