I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
