Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
