good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
