I wish I only lived at night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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