don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
