I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
