When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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