He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
