We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
