walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
