Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
