Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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