Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
honey bunches of taint.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
