4 words: hood of his car
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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