If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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