she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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