I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
