first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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