um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
