I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
