he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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