He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
