Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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