I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
