you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
