Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
