I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Never underestimate the power of titties
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