YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
