my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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