i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
