This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
