Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just tell him i said nine months
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
