i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
