awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
