Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
