So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
