It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
