I think im going to throw up on grandma
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
