you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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