and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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