I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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