Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
