haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
