You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
