we have pet lesbian snakes
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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