i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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