Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
