I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize