I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
