did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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