guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
