I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
