I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Who died my cat blue again?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
