Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
