I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Will exercising make me less horny?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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