he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
