bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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