I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
