I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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