Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize