like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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