using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
