That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
