So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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