Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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