Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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